The Full Story with Alayna
With Friends of The Full Life. Introducing, Alayna Burke author of "“Full: Overcoming Our Eating Disorders to Fully Live"!
For our very first non-provider Full Story interview we have Alayna Burke. Alayna is a student at the University of Missouri and is in recovery from her own eating disorder. When she was 18 she decided to document her recovery journey with her co-author, Melissa Kelley, and publish Full: Overcoming our Eating Disorders to Fully Live. She graciously agreed to share her own wisdom and takeaways after going through the recovery process and I’m excited to have her interview to share today.
What is your name & who are you?
Hi! My name is Alayna Burke I’m a current Nutrition and Exercise Physiology student at the University of Missouri - Columbia. I teach yoga while being a full-time student, and I plan on going to Physical Therapy school after my undergraduate degree is complete. Some important things about me: I love running and finding new trails to hike with my dog, I'm passionate about advocating for a healthy relationship with exercise and food and when I was 18, I co-authored and published a book called Full: Overcoming Our Eating Disorders to Fully Live. I told my story to provide hope for a fuller life - a life free of the loneliness and despair of an eating disorder.
What is an amazing meal you've enjoyed recently?
I made an amazing lasagna soup with my roommate. We couldn’t get enough!
How would you describe your relationship with food? How has it changed over time?
Right now I consider my relationship with food to be balanced, but it hasn't always been this way. Perfectionism plagued me early in life, but it wasn't until my preteen years that I began to despise my body. At one of my yearly check-ups, my doctor told me I might want to "lay off the snacks" and lose weight. This was one of many messages I received that told me my smallest self would be most accepted.
At age 16, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I was three weeks away from being sent out of state for in-patient treatment when I decided to take back my life. Six years later, I consider myself recovered, although there are moments when my eating disorder pokes at me, tempting me to restrict my food. I know now that when I restrict my food, I restrict my relationships, my health, and my happiness. I never thought I'd have the relationship with food that I have now. I'm no longer consumed with thoughts about food. I can go to a restaurant and order what I really want, not what I think I “should” have. I can make it through my day without feeling light-headed. I exercise to boost my mood and my health, not to shrink. Most importantly, I actually LOVE the body I get to live in.
What are your signs that you are living life "fully"?
I have what I call the “3 C’s of fully living,” which are confidence, courage, and connection. When all 3 are in alignment, I know that I’m living life to my full potential. My eating disorder stole all 3 C’s, making me insecure, scared, and isolated.
What would you go back to tell younger you when they struggled with their body, movement, or food?
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing, it would be that you’ll miss out on life if you keep trying to achieve an image of perfection. There are times throughout the years that I struggled with anorexia that I don’t remember because my brain didn’t have enough fuel. I missed out on birthday parties, concerts, school dances, and family gatherings because I was either too anxious or too tired. Those are memories I’ll never get back, and I wish I would’ve known that it wouldn’t be worth it to shrink myself. However, I don’t regret my eating disorder. It taught me how to pick myself back up. I have stronger relationships than ever before because I learned how to be vulnerable and ask for help.
How do you show up for yourself?
The best way to show up for myself is to listen. Our bodies are constantly sending us signals, telling us what we need. In the depths of my eating disorder, I ignored those signals. It was like my brain and my body were constantly fighting. A large part of my recovery was to heal the communication between my body and my brain. Now, I trust that my body will tell me if I’m hungry, full, tired, awake, need movement, need connection, etc., and I listen
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What's something that you really love about your life right now?
I'm in a stage of life where I have a lot to look forward to, but I also love my present situation. In my last year of undergrad, I'm truly appreciating that all of my friends live within 10 minutes of me. I'm soaking up the sense of support I feel on a college campus.
What's your personal definition of "The Full Life"?
The Full Life, for me, is one where I’m in the driver’s seat, not my eating disorder. My life is no longer governed by my appearance or my achievements. My life is full because every day I choose confidence, courage, and connection instead of an eating disorder. A Full Life means I experience both good and bad emotions, love and loss, despair and triumph, and it’s all worth it to me.
What else, if anything, would you like to share with the readers of The Full Life?
People want to help…let them. Whether you struggle with body image, disordered eating, or an eating disorder, you will need support. In my case, getting help looked like seeking out a dietitian, a therapist, and admitting to my family and friends that I was scared. I promise your world will open up in ways you never could’ve imagined if you lean into help from those around you.
Thank you, Alayna, for sharing your story with The Full Life! If you want to hear more about Full: Overcoming our Eating Disorders to Fully Live, here is the book description!
Growing up in the digital age, with the pressures of social media and increasingly competitive academics, Alayna’s perfectionism started early in life. She began to despise her body after a pre-teen wellness check when the physician told her to “lay off the snacks” and watch her weight. At age 16, Alayna was diagnosed with anorexia. She was three weeks from being sent to an in-patient treatment center when she decided to take charge of her life.
Plagued with body dysmorphia beginning at six years old, Melissa came of age in the diet culture of the 1970s and 1980s when fad diets, diet pills, and at-home exercise equipment dominated the golden age of advertising. Melissa was diagnosed with bulimia when she was 16 and her treatment included both inpatient and intensive outpatient programs over five years. After a series of traumatic events, she struggled with anorexia in her thirties.
Burke and Kelley weave their stories of illness and recovery through 12 topics that fed their eating disorders and share how they now manage those challenges to fully participate in life. FULL offers insight and hope to people struggling with eating disorders and those who love them.
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