The Body Image Checklist

What does it take to feel good in your body?

There are some classic hold ups on the journey to body acceptance or improving your body image. Some of them are within our control and some are not, but there are things we can do to make the journey a bit easier. Below is my top 20 list of things that need to happen in order to feel okay with your body. If any of these items are difficult for you, click the footnotes button to be linked to some of my advice on how to engage further with that idea.

Photo by Anastasia Shelepova on Unsplash

The Body Image Checklist

1. Wear clothes that fit you + are comfortable¹

2. Limit time in front of the mirror if you body check²

3. Combat negative self-thoughts with a positive thought³

4. Notice oppressive systems around you that create the feeling that you need to be thin⁴

5. Follow people who look like you on social media⁵

6. Explore your self-worth outside of your appearance⁶

7. Spend time with people who love you and don’t make body comments⁷

8. Enjoy food. Eat food that makes you feel good⁸

9. Acknowledge the impressiveness of your body⁹

10. Take your mental health seriously¹⁰

11. Be present with yourself¹¹

12. Look for evidence of the love other people have for you¹²

13. Imagine the possibilities of loving yourself fully¹³

14. Find beauty outside yourself¹⁴

15. Build trust with yourself¹⁵

16. Explore your ethics and values¹⁶

17. Allow yourself to be touched¹⁷

18. Be in the picture¹⁸

19. Show up for yourself¹⁹

20. Show yourself love²⁰

1. Wear clothes that fit you + are comfortable. Is there anything worse than being made conscious of your body all day because your clothes are uncomfortable? Yes… probably. But this one is at least within your locus of control. Put clothes on your body that you can actually live in. You might find that you are able to reduce your negative body thoughts just by not having a constant reminder that your pants are a bit too small.

2. Limit time in front of the mirror if you body check. A mirror can be useful in the journey to self-acceptance if our mirror time is spent building ourselves up. If you notice that mirrors are really triggering for self-consciousness, it’s okay to take full-length mirrors out of your room or to cover your bathroom mirror with positive affirmation sticky notes. Notice if you immediately check for your reflection in shiny surfaces and see if you can consciously reduce this reaction.

3. Combat negative self-thoughts with a positive thought. I think I heard this concept on this podcast episode a long time ago and really liked it. The general idea being that we are often inundated with negative thoughts about ourselves and our food from a young age (eat this, don’t eat that, move this way, look this way, you aren’t good enough as you are… etc.) and so that becomes the most normal way to talk to ourselves. If we are able to challenge these immediate negative thoughts by adding in some positive thoughts, we are at least evening the playing field. The negative thoughts over time might feel less immediate and positive thoughts may become more normal.

4. Notice oppressive systems around you that create the feeling that you need to be thin. Listen. The systems around us benefit from our insecurities + our money - patriarchy, racism, wealth inequality, all of them. If we spend all our time, effort, and money to look 10 years younger or get rid of a wrinkle, we aren’t able to put that energy toward other things. The decision to not engage with oppressive beauty standards is a radical act. I once heard someone describe this phenomenon of poor body image by saying “wow the patriarchy is really impacting me today”. Taking the pressure off yourself (because it’s not actually about you and your particular body) is a form of self-liberation.

5. Follow people who look like you on social media. Check out my list of recommendations here and forgive me for being a broken record. What you look at all day impacts the way you expect to see yourself in the mirror. If your feed is all thin, young, conventionally attractive human beings who have dedicated their lives to making aesthetic content on Instagram or Tik Tok you are going to be confused when you look in the mirror and are a human being with a different vocation. Pay more attention to the people you see in the real world than the people you see online - trust me, there is much more human diversity around you than in that little rectangle’s algorithm.

6. Explore your self-worth outside of your appearance. If you forgot, you are actually a human being with lots more going for you than the way your arms look in a tank top. Take inventory of your interests, hobbies, talents, and values to appreciate your own dynamic existence. We don’t exist to lose weight and look pretty. You are so much more than the way other people see your body or than you see your own body for that matter. I think the biggest lie in body positivity is that there is a point where you will be permanently obsessed with how your body looks in the future. That’s not actually the point. What would life look like if you were able to see your body as just one part of yourself that didn’t’ always meet your expectations and you were at peace with yourself enough to tolerate that.

7. Spend time with people who love you and don’t make body comments. Everyone deserves to have people in their lives who just are kind without needing to bring up what everyone’s body looks like. This might look like setting boundaries with loved ones. It also might be seeking communities that are rooted in body acceptance. Vulnerability about struggling with body image is different than talking poorly about bodies, by the way.

8. Enjoy food. Eat food that makes you feel good. Oof. I would love to know where your brain went when you read the idea of “eating food that makes you feel good”. To offer some clarity, any food can make us feel good. Some foods are more of a mental feel good, others a physical feel good. These can change day by day. Some days you’re going to think you chose something that would help you feel good only to learn that it didn’t do what you were hoping for. Can I challenge you to explore what this uniquely looks like for you? Experiment! A quick note on bloating because this comes up SO OFTEN with food that “feels good”. Bloating is normal. Your stomach is designed to stretch when it fills with food and those stretch receptors are one signal sent to your brain to say you are full. Ending a meal should feel like you are full, not neutral. If you are consistently having the type of bloating where you are so deeply uncomfortable, that your pants no longer fit, and you feel ill it might be time to check in with a dietitian and see if there is something deeper going on.

9. Acknowledge the impressiveness of your body. Sure, we can focus on what our body does more than how it looks, but I want to go a little deeper than that. What is truly impressive to you about your body? I personally love that my skin can utilize sunlight to make vitamin D. That’s crazy. Another top tier fact? Your kidneys filter your blood to take all the toxins and excess nutrients out of your blood stream. Dark pee means that you have a lot of stuff in your pee and you might want to hydrate up. Wow! Thanks for letting me know, body! Whether you feel like you have a bad looking body or a good looking body, your body is doing a lot to keep you alive day to day. Can you find a couple things to appreciate about that work that your body is doing for your survival? And sure, if it’s helpful, you might also make a list of the things you appreciate about existing in your body.

10. Take your mental health seriously. It’s hard to feel good in your body if you don’t feel good in your brain. We can also get more preoccupied with things that feel within our control when we feel out of control in other ways. Unfortunately, most of us have received messages that we can control how our bodies look with disordered eating or exercise which can exacerbate our feelings of discontent in our own bodies. Caring for our brain might actually help reduce the discontentment we feel in our bodies.

11. Be present with yourself. The age of technology has ushered in the age of not being able to sit with ourselves. Can you tolerate being in your own brain? Can you tolerate the feeling of being in your body? Sometimes the pursuit of a better body is a distraction from the discomfort we feel in being ourselves. This is some deep stuff and maybe is best explored with someone else - a therapist or a dietitian. That doesn’t mean you can’t practice it on your own. Go for a walk without headphones. Read a book instead of watching tv. Journal. Do some yoga. Meditate. Wait 10 minutes before you reach for your phone in the morning. Dance in the shower.

12. Look for evidence of the love other people have for you. The people who love you love you for who you are and not what you look like. I think that’s a requirement of truly loving a person. Look for the ways that people make you feel loved and let yourself feel that love. For many of us, the root of our body image struggle is in our need to be accepted and loved. We are really good at finding examples of people not liking certain things about us, but I wonder if you can give yourself room to look for evidence of their love instead.

13. Imagine the possibilities of loving yourself fully. Would anything be different in your life if you were able to fully embrace yourself? Our imaginations can do a big disservice to us if they are only used to worry and imagine the worst possibilities. Use that imagination for good and see what world you can picture for yourself if you were able to accept yourself as you are right now. Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you can’t have goals or aspirations for self-improvement. It just means that you are accepting this present version of yourself as inherently good. There is a version of the future where you are at peace with yourself - it might just be a bit difficult to envision right now.

14. Find beauty outside yourself. Societal, human beauty constructs are not the same thing as real beauty. Beauty is all around us, but it is not seen in the same way with each person. Can you imagine seeing a hummingbird drinking from a wildflower and thinking that the hummingbird would be more beautiful with a bit of lip filler? Do you resent the tree in the park for reaching old age and losing its leaves? You are not a canvas to be worked and reworked to create the same look as some celebrity influencer. You are a unique animal with your own aesthetic bringing a type of beauty to this planet that is only yours. Seeing the natural beauty around you can help to apply that same generosity and respect to yourself. Look for beauty in nature, reading, kindness, architecture, friendship, words…

15. Build trust with yourself. We’re taught from the time that we’re little kids that our bodies aren’t to be trusted. We hear things like “are you actually hungry or just bored” and “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” and hundreds of other diet culture catch phrases. Over time it doesn’t really matter what the phrase is, the underlying message is that our body doesn’t give us information that is trustworthy - we need to follow a certain diet, exercise with a certain program, never have an off day, and don’t pay too close of attention to how it makes you feel (the exhaustion and GI distress are signs that it’s working!!). The journey to loving your body is going to mean that you get back to trusting this body of yours. Your body may also have lost a bit of trust in you if you’ve been pushing yourself too hard, not eating enough, and generally not taking care of yourself. In order to get back on the same page you’re going to have to consistently show up for yourself and learn that your body is on your side.

16. Explore your ethics and values. This may be hard to hear, but it’s possible that chronic dieting, extreme exercise, and aesthetic body modifications may not actually be in line with your authentic values system. Are the beliefs that you are upholding by pursuing thinness and beauty your beliefs? Or are they beliefs that you are hoping will result in more love and more acceptance? What are your values? It might be helpful to explore them a bit and see if there are different avenues you might take to live your values. Right now, we have an epidemic of children using anti-aging beauty products, increased rates of self-harm and suicide with young girls, eating disorders are sky rocketing. You intentionally divesting from beauty and diet culture is one more person who is creating safety in looking like yourself. It does make a difference to live in alignment with your values systems.

17. Allow yourself to be touched. Discomfort in our body can also mean discomfort in physical touch from ourselves and others. If you shy away from touching your own body with care or receiving physical touch from others, start small. Can you give yourself a hand massage while putting on lotion? Try being gentle with yourself while brushing your hair or washing your hands. Over time try touching the parts of your body that you are sensitive about - can you lay your hands on your stomach or your arms without body checking - just to let your skin receive care and compassion? I hope you can let yourself be hugged, have your hand held, have a loved one touch the parts of yourself that have been hardest to accept. Your body deserves kindness and love from the people you love.

18. Be in the picture. You deserve memories of each and every time in your life and your body doesn’t need to be smaller/better to be in the picture. Challenge yourself to say yes more often to being photographed. Take care of yourself when looking at pictures and if you notice distress in seeing your body it’s okay to take a break and look again later. When we have a big reaction to seeing a picture, we sometimes just need some space. Have you ever had the experience of hating a picture of yourself only to look at it in a few months or years and really like it? The body image stress we feel in the moment is usually a biased reaction to our body. After some time passes, we’re able to see the picture as a fond memory and see ourselves more clearly in the picture. Don’t prevent yourself from being able to experience the joy of reminiscing on happy times.

19. Show up for yourself. How do you want your loved ones to treat themselves? Do those things for yourself. If you want to see yourself as a person that you love, treat yourself like the people that you love. Had a bad day? Do kind things for yourself. Had a great day? Celebrate your wins. Being there for yourself puts you on the same team as your brain and your body.

20. Show yourself love. We have some cool studies that show us that guilt and shame are not effective ways to change our behavior - but self-compassion can make a huge difference. Loving yourself is not the same as giving up on yourself and your goals. Love is a verb. Loving your body doesn’t mean waking up and feeling hot. It means taking action to show love to yourself. It means trying some of the things on this list. If I’m being honest, the road to better body image is paved with exposure. You have to start doing the things that you think you would do if you loved your body - being in pictures, getting a massage, letting a partner put their hand on your stomach or arm, and nourishing yourself lovingly. Self-acceptance isn’t a destination, it is a choice you make and the cumulation of the actions you take.